Tuesday, October 27, 2009

How They Died

Mary died of natural causes.

Gary died of scurvy.

Vondi died on a Fung-Wah bus that somehow ended up in Jersey.

Sammy died of a broken heart

Tammy died of the flu

Henri died when a lime-carrying tick found its way into his roux

Matty died of sun stroke.

Patty died from an odor.
Carlton died when his belt was caught in a runaway tractor's motor.

Lanny died a drawn-out death.

Manny’s was considerably shorter.

Martin died when his business collapsed—crushed under brick and mortar.

Betty died of a sweet tooth.

Eddie died of fright.

Goran died when he swallowed a scorpion in the middle of the night.

Jenny died of athlete’s foot.

Penny died of laughter.

Lauren died hanging a picture when her arm got stuck in the rafters.

Harry died of an itch.

Larry died opening his mail.

Bill died after losing a bet that he could jump the third rail.

Sandy died of mono.

Mandy died of boredom.

Jill died of rejection when she didn’t get into Fordham.

Rex died of caution.

Lex died in the ocean.

Leena died when her sister put acid in her hand lotion.

Phil died on New Year’s.

Bill died on Earth Day.

Geena died from a can of Tab that’d celebrated its 28th birthday.

Willis died of ennui.

Phyllis died of shock.

Paulie died when a cobra made its home in his sock.

Kylie died by accident.

Riley died on purpose.

Molly died upon learning her only sports channel was Versus.

Andy died of anger.

Mandy died of the cold.

Ty died when he was found least likeable according to those polled.

Alan died in his sleep.

Fallon died in his car.

I died when I took a stupid idea and took it way too far.