Gil: Hey Cal, what’s up? Watching SportsCenter?
Cal: Yeah. I wanted to see the highlights from the Sox game last night.
Gil: Cool. How many Brett Favre stories have they run so far?
Cal: A lot. Apparently Favre accidentally mixed his colors with his whites last night and now his undershirts are all pink.
Gil: Man, I’m so sick of this whole saga. I’d rather hear a million more stories about Barbaro dying.
Cal: Who’s Barbaro?
Gil: You know, Barbaro the horse.
Cal: Oh. Is he related to Barbaro Seville?
Gil: Um, no. First of all, Barbaro is dead. Second, it’s not Barbaro Seville, it’s The Barber OF Seville. And that’s not a person, or even a horse, it’s an opera.
Cal: Oh yeah, an opera horse. I know I’ve heard that term before.
Gil: Ugh. It’s not “opera horse” it’s “opera house.”
Cal: Ohhhhhhhh. That makes more sense. I always pictured Mr. Ed singing Inflator Mouse. Always made me laugh, a horse singing a song about a giant mouse.
Gil: Cal, I don’t even know where to start with that one.
Cal: What do you mean?
Gil: You really want to get into it?
Cal: Yeah, let’s get into it, Mr. Knowitall. I wanna get into it. Let’s get right into it. RIGHT. INTO. IT. You and me. Into it.
Gil: Are you through?
Gil: OK, first of all, Mr. Ed isn’t real.
Cal: Yes he is, I watch his show on TV Land all the time.
Gil: Well, yeah, there’s a real horse in the show, but he can’t really talk.
Cal: But you can see his lips move!
Gil: Supposedly they jammed a carrot up his ass to make his lips move like that.
Cal: Wow, how much do you think he got paid?
Gil: Mr. Ed? Pretty sure nothing.
Cal: No, the guy whose job it was to stick the carrot up Mr. Ed’s ass.
Gil: I have no idea, Cal. Not much.
Cal: Yeah, you’re right, they probably just had an intern do it. Can you imagine filling out your intern diary if that was your summer job? “Day 1. Shoved a carrot up Mr. Ed’s ass. Day 2. Shoved a carrot up Mr. Ed’s ass. Day 3. Tried to shove a carrot up Mr. Ed’s ass but Mr. Ed kicked me in the face.”
Gil: I doubt they had interns on the Mr. Ed show, Cal. So anyway, back to the opera thing—
Cal: Wait, I just thought of something. Do you think they used the same carrot every day? I mean, why waste a good carrot if it’s just going in his ass?
Gil: I would be very surprised if they didn’t throw it away immediately after using it. So Die Fledermaus—
Cal: Hey Gil?
Gil: Ugh. Yes, Cal?
Cal: Do you think Mr. Ed had really good eyesight?
Gil: Goodbye Cal.
Cal: OK, I’ll look it up.
Raindrops Keen Fallin' On My Head, Baked Potato
8 years ago