The 5 Keys to Preparing a Successful Bath

1. Preparedness
First, and perhaps most importantly, make sure you have a towel in the bathroom with you before you begin to remove your clothes. You don’t want to step out of hot bath only to realize that you’re forced to hastily streak from the bathroom in search of something to dry and cover your skin. This is especially important if you share a living space with someone who does not regularly see you naked. That you know of. Bath success has a direct relationship to towel availability.

2. Gravity
If you’re a first time bath-taker, please take note. As you begin to fill your tub with water, keep the drain closed. This can be accomplished with a metal slider or switch built into your tub that changes your drain position from “open” to “closed” or with a standalone stopper (available in some older tub models). If you fail to do so, your tub will fill quite slowly, if at all, and once you turn the faucet to its “off” position, the tub will immediately begin to empty. Improperly closed drains are a leading cause of unsuccessful baths.

3. Temperature
Immediately after you turn your faucet to the “on” position, water will begin to flow into your tub. Many modern tubs allow you to select your desired water temperature with a color-coded dial on which blue denotes “cold” and red, “hot.” However, simply positioning your dial is not, in itself, a fail-safe method of temperature selection. You must continuously monitor your water temperature with your hand throughout the tub filling process. Remember, your water temperature will gradually change during the time it takes to fill your tub to it appropriate level (more on this later).

4. Level
As student of Advanced Fluid Mechanics 401, you have learned that displacement occurs when an object of measurable mass is immersed in a fluid. The fluid then rises within its container to accommodate the additional mass, allowing you to determine the object’s volume. Therefore, it should be no surprise that as you enter a full tub the water level will not remain constant. As stated, it will rise to accommodate your substantial bulk. This is why you should always leave room for displacement. Do not fill your tub to its capacity before submerging your body, or spillage will occur. As a general rule of thumb, leave at least 8 inches of vertical space between the water level at its highest point and the top of the tub. Hazards of overfill include post-bath bodily slippage and resulting head trauma. (See: Louganis, Greg)

5. Enjoy Yourself!
Ultimately, any bath should be a pleasant experience. But if you find yourself with nothing to amuse you, feel free to bring in a rubbered duck, plastic motorized boat or any brightly colored object fitted with a suction cup. Unless you happen to be washing off the shame of a lifetime of underachievement and rejected sexual advances, you should complete your bath feeling clean, refreshed and with the sense of accomplishment that accompanies a job well done.