Tuesday, September 15, 2009

New Hierarchy

So, I know a lot of people have been asking about the new titles and hierarchy since the department shift. I thought it would make sense to answer all your questions here.

OK, so as you know, the first in command here is Field Marshal Flank. I know people have been complaining that he can be tough, but he's our leader and where he goes, we're right behind.

Under FM Flank is General Jerky. As a seasoned strategist, he oversees day-to-day tactical measures.

Next comes Brigadier Bacon. Go to him with any questions on budgets, which, although they've been lean to this point, should be opening up to accommodate some new projects we've got cooking.

Below him is Major Mortadella. There have been rumors that the Major was taking another position abroad, but I can confidently say that is bologna. The Major will continue to play his usual role slicing operational costs.

Next is Captain Capicola. I understand the Captain doesn't rub everyone the right way, sometimes he can be sweet, sometimes less so. But there's no denying that in overseeing the safety of this company, he's cured us all of a number of potential hazards.

Under the Captain is Lieutentant Linguica. No one really knows what he does, and frankly I don't either.

Fresh from his promotion, Sergeant Salami will report directly to the Lieutenant. He's done amazing things heading up our seasonal initiatives. Without him, we would have all been hanging out to dry, so if you see him, offer him your congratulations.

Replacing the Sergeant is Corporal Canadian Bacon. Once and for all, let's put the rumors of nepotism to bed. Although he can be just as salty, the Corporal is not related to the Brigadier. Please embrace him as you would any other coworker.

And finally, joining us right out of school is Private Pepperoni. He graduated top of his class and should make a nice addition to us all. He also has Corporal-level skills just in case.

I hope this clears up the confusion. And if you have any other questions or you would like to meat any of the above personnel, just let me know.

-Hunan Resausage

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