The OFFICIAL 104-Player Steroid List

It's not often I'll break a story of this magnitude, so I won't waste time getting to the point. A contact in the MLB commissioner's office who shall remain nameless has hooked me up with the official list of players who tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. So without Freddie Adu, here is the list:

Jeff Bagwell

Jason Giambi

Miguel Tejada

Miguel Cabrera

Miguel Ferrer

Fergie

Madonna

Hercules

Kevin Sorbo

Lucy Lawless

Vance Law

Andy Van Slyke

Jerry Van Dyke

The guy who played Dauber on “Coach”

Brian Daubach

Roy Hobbs

Frankie Muniz

Frank Dux

The Afflac Duck

Ben Affleck

Ben Ogilvy

Big Ben

Jason Biggs

Jason Voorhees

Talia Shire

Clubber Lang

Jessica Lange

The color orange

Orangina

Orange Julius

Julius Peppers

Salt

Pepa

Colonel Mustard

Mr. Body

Jesse Ventura

Ace Ventura

Ace Frehley

Fred Willard

Willard Scott

Scott Steiner

Scott Fletcher

The videocassette of Fletch II I have

Tommy Lasorda

Tommy Gunn

Boomer Esiason

Nick Esasky

Nick Rivers

Omar Sharif

Omar Vizquel

Johnny Oates

Daryl Hall

Fruit Stripes Gum

Fruit by the Foot

Bubble Tape

Dunkaroos

Bonnaroo

Bon Scott

Jon Bon Jovi

James Bond (only the Timothy Dalton version)

Barry Bonds

Bobby Bonds

Bobby Murcer

Bobby Fischer

The Fisher King

Jeff King

Queen Latifa

Prince Fielder

Private Joker

Castle Grayskull

Erin Gray

Blue Edwards

Jaleel White

Ja-Rule

Rulon Gardner

Jeff Ruland

Rock Raines

Stone Philips

Sandy Duncan

Mariano Duncan

Mariano Rivera

Geraldo Rivera

River Phoenix

The Tiber River

Steve Lake

Billy Ocean

Billy Butler

Benson

Fatigue

Fats Domino

The Noid

Spuds Mackenzie

Shane Mack

Shane Spencer

Spencer Tracy

Chad Tracy

Tracy Chapman

Ray Chapman

Carl Mays

Carl Hubbell

The Hubble Telescope

Hubba Bubba

Bubblicious

The guy on the Big League Chew package